Monday, June 26, 2006

Stalking New Writers

Angelo Suarez and Patrick Rosal.

and instantly you want her,
knowing well enough
there isn't any difference really:

that she is you and you are her
as both of you are everyone else,

waiting only to love yourselves

because there is no one else to love.

by Angelo V. Suarez "Everyw(her)e"

***
I haven't posted any word for more than two weeks.
My mind's rotten, and not because I haven't been writing, but because I have lately been succeeding in my attempts to die a slow, painful death due to workalcoholicism -- or whatever that's called.

Last June 11-13, I was in Antipolo to attend a Team-Building Activity / Writing Seminar Series with my College of Science Journal family.
I got to meet Lourd de Veyra, Radioactive Sago Project's frontman and Bernice Roldan, a short story writer from UP. Somehow, it made me think I have been writing nothing but crap ever since I gave in to more than shallow pursuits of defining puppy love (yup, and even through coffee themes). I found out there's a bigger circle of profound Filipino literati's than what Kat and I thought to have been extinct for a long time now.

It wasn't really the usual feeling of being "burned out" that haunted me during those two nights, but the massive attack of a growing wisdom tooth, making me want to get all my teeth jammed in the brink of closing elevator doors.


It was terrible. I couldn't even swallow my own spit.

***
First day of school was a so-so. Not to mention the random guy-hunting a fellow staffer and I did to frustratingly devour ourselves in the presence of fresh and young blood in the college.
Our very unfortunate section got hooked up with terror professors for this semester. Even computer class gave us no room to breathe.

But I love the ire of professors, because it makes me criticize and watch them more if they're really brilliant or just plain for show.

***
Recruitment week (university-wide) was fun. Besides engaging myself to exploring the uninteresting field of sales-talking, I was able to persuade quite a good number of people to join TDC.
I'm loving every bit of my extra-curricular life. And that, not actualizing the big brown monster I saw in the doorsteps of my college building last week.

***
Saved the best for last. I got awfully drunk last Friday at Kuya Mok's pad (Kuya Iggy's birthday).
I drank a glass of Margarita, 8 shots of Tequila and 6 glasses of Baileys and topped it off with a sudden snooze on the couch. I vomitted all over the place.
Ugh.

But I had loads of fun. Even though some part of my hair's still smelling of puke right now.
Thanks for the patience everyone.

Saturday, June 10, 2006

Influence in my Ears

Religious: I Want to Fall in Love with You by Jars of Clay. Hah!

So. While reading this reaction-stirring post by a co-debater in another society, I could hardly swallow the inevitable verity that people (
especially debaters) can, by a hair's breadth, be persuaded when they've already decided to close their minds before you can even tell them what you think. More importantly, how the principle actually does work.

And well, there are always those people gauging wind and spitting fire under anonymity. Tsktsk. Must not do that.
Suggestion: if you're an abysmal coward, and nothing more, do not use proper names. Stick to pronouns or common terms then; but do declare your identity.

***
Hmm, so the meeting didn't have those bloodcurdling moments since most of the people who came were the ones who didn't really need much of the reprimanding.

I got assigned to organize the outreach program for December, something that heavily required me to ask help from my previous CWTS facilitator. We're looking for a GK site, preferably in the province. Err...
Don't ask.

***
The playlist:


frazy.comfrazy.comfrazy.comfrazy.com
frazy.comfrazy.comfrazy.comfrazy.com
frazy.comfrazy.comfrazy.comfrazy.com
frazy.comfrazy.comfrazy.comfrazy.com
frazy.comfrazy.comfrazy.comfrazy.com
frazy.comfrazy.comfrazy.comfrazy.com
frazy.comfrazy.comfrazy.comfrazy.com
frazy.comfrazy.comfrazy.comfrazy.com
frazy.comfrazy.comfrazy.comfrazy.com

frazy.com frazy.com frazy.com frazy.com
frazy.com frazy.com frazy.com frazy.com

Friday, June 09, 2006

Record-breaking

I hate record stores here in the Philippines.
Not only do they have incomplete labels and albums in their inventory, but they rarely ship in good music.
Take for example this awesome compilation of Emo Rock songs, Punk Goes Acoustic, which I'm dying to get my hands on right now. Yes, count that in my birthday wishlist (...and this is an old, old collection by the way. Have been rummaging through stores for this for almost a year).
Unerringly why you cannot blame the countless individuals who patronize download softwares in the Internet. Because the idea of good music is not about authenticity, it's all about veracity.

***
This is one of those hellish, perturbed days I completely loathe.
Needing money to pay our Meralco bill, I had to scavenge for big money bills from my debate orgmates in Science. And well, sweetly, they didn't think twice of helping me out (yes, me and my innate for-charity-program self).
For someone being unfashionably late in a general meeting, I couldn't get any more moved by their gestures of generosity.

Then again, third year... here I come!

***
I'm currently feeling a bit giddy and scared because the seniors are about to throw a fit tomorrow to all those (including me) who weren't able to attend the NYC Oregon-Oxford Debate. I no longer feel confident that my purportedly valid excuse would pass right under their nose. But I did have work to do. And if I had the time, I would be there.

Ack. Wish us luck tomorrow. We'll all be getting immense scolding.

***
I swore not to be mean anymore to people who never learn from what I say about them.
So I'll keep my mouth shut.

Thursday, June 08, 2006

Under the Reggae Moon

Queer.
In just one day, your life instantaneously picks up the pieces that have supposedly fallen apart for long seconds now.
It pays to trust God with all your heart. (That He will never let you down for as long as you believe in Him.)

Now my only problem is how to defer the contract I recently signed.
And, that I had to ask a big, big favor from one of my dearest friends even if half of myself wanted to pull back and crash on its own.
Quite funny how I almost wanted to demolish my own life, if not close to literally, atleast give up my worthy aspirations.

But there's always hope. No matter how much you spite its cheesy and faulty realism. You've got to learn to cling to it, one way or another.
It's the only sweet peril of life.

***
Reggae is my music.
I have been shutting myself up with on-repeat playlists of reggae music (e.g. Island Riddims, 50 First Dates OST, Brownman Revival and Bob Marley).

I went to UST earlier to fix the letters and papers for our AUDC reimbursement. It appears we're still going to get it in a week or two from now, making me arrive at a rash decision to inexorably bicker someone else for the money. Or, well, something like that.

Kat came over to my house so we could scan the previous letters (supposedly for subsidy) and reproduce it into a refund note. Our office is very nitpicky on money requests because of a recent issue I scooped up, of the CSSC using the orgs' budget for the Leadership Training and Planning Seminar (LTPS) and successfully wasting every single penny.
And don't make me start on better planning skills (because our EB had a better take on organizing a larger and more educational TBA/writing seminar).

So what can I say about these theoretically existent "leaders" of our college?
They should learn how to move up their asses the right way!
(excess: If you try to recount the votes they garnered last election, they didn't even reach 51%.)

Anyway, so I have to deal with a lot of important stuff tomorrow:
There's this NBI clearance, tuition money, AUDC "refund", medical exam and Science Debate meeting. Well, it is about time. ^_^

What to say, there's always a rainbow after the rain (and not there's a rainbow always after the rain, as what some stupid song puts it!).
I love it! Life's back to normal.

Wednesday, June 07, 2006

Where Faces Fall Apart

I got through Convergys. (",)
Still, I must be the saddest person on earth this minute.

If I believe.

***
People want and need different things to make them continue breathing. It's a fact almost as fascinating as the previous existence of Barter.
Some would trade oxygen for books, food for letters, money for dreams.
Unfortunately though, it's not anything like a 7-11 store: open 24 hours a day, counting weekends, holidays and nights when everyone is huddled inside thick blankets.

But, damn it. If only that were true.

At this moment, I'm willing to barter my soul if only to continue being in school; to keep on writing in the imperfectly laid out pages of the journal and to remain speaking in front of a podium, even if watched by only a handful of naive apprentices.

You seldom find people with chock-full contentment. You rarely become one.
And I'm scared to know why I've reached living a worthless life.


Maybe, it is a long walk to forever as what I heard when I turned thirteen.
Or perchance, there are just things that are hard to demarcate from the imaginative.

***
Thank you.

Saturday, June 03, 2006

It's Raining Bullfrogs and Caterpillars (also PC Murder)

Okay. I'm officially about to murder my computer for its lack of cooperation and for ruining my longest blog entry yet! It just restarted... again (and by that I mean it's the third time I've written this post!).

But since I have no damn choice, I would have to write everything from scrap and wishfully pretend that I am indeed gifted of a good memory.

***
On Monday, 9pm I'll be having my final final interview for a fulltime post in Convergys. They have these crazy shifts for applicant interviews, and even for exams. Last night, after finishing a 4-hour test of Call Simulation and E-Skills, my eyes were starting to see double figures whenever I look at the TV screen and/or the computer monitor.

Since for the past two years or so I have been contenting myself with Nescafe 3-in-1 coffee sachets (
and sometimes even unsatisfactory vendo coffee), I was staggered to find out that a short Americano cup now costs 80 bucks in Starbucks. I had a 110-peso lunch in Jollibee yesterday afternoon and decided to enjoy myself with a cup of coffee and a few crumpled spreads of newspaper in an unfashioned bank building (still in Ayala) with a small branch of Starbucks in its ground floor. I was waiting for a call from Convergys, whether or not they're still going to allow me to change my application into a fulltime post. I left the place with a measly 20-peso bill left in my purse and with a couple of grumblings here and there.
On the more enlightening side, I was able to write a few lines while lounging in the place. Here's what's written on the worn-out tissue paper:


This will be me ten years from now:
Butt stuck on wooden chair, coffee cup in one hand and blog pen in the other.
Still a caffeine addict and a dilemma-prone biatch.

I sit here, looking at those people who seem to have a life of their own; a life as parallel miserable as mine. Some satisfy themselves with fetishes of simulated rape a.k.a. porn, but never wanting to be pedophiliacs. Others are mere window onlookers and without a purpose to continue living. So who am I form this brady bunch?

None.
I'll be in front of a podium, debating.

Dullness. Quite figuring of a better way to make use of my time, I went to People Support and thought of also giving its CSR fulltime post a try. While I was waiting for the application test (
which was scheduled to begin on 1:30 and started around 3pm instead) to start, I got a call from Convergys, asking me if I can make it to a 3pm exam. I gladly agreed thinking that People Support was a supposed work-ethics-major type of company and Convergys was just right across its building. Unfortunately, I seemed to have gotten my hopes up too much because I ended up running to a sari-sari store right across People Support to call the HR hotline of Convergys to reschedule my exam. I lied about getting robbed (got this from Kat) and needing to go home and get money. Thankfully, she responded quite friendly about the issue and told me to come back at 5pm that day.

I hastily answered the application test for People Support since it was mostly on English comprehension, vocabulary and grammar. I skipped the practice exam for typing, thinking that it was optional (
and since I started later than the others because I didn't have my application number with me; the administrator was a humbug type of person) and due to that careless decision, I failed.
The consolation prize was a handout for English enhancement and SVA's.
Really. I so needed that.

Getting downhearted after failing an English test for the first time in my life, I swore to take the Convergys exam as carefully as I can -- even if it'll take me a day to finish the entire thing. Truth be told, I exited the building around 10pm that night with cold feet and shapeless eyes staring across the Ayala Avenue, completely deserted of public vehicles.

Intermission: I saw this cute, cute guy in Convergys a la Yael of Spongecola. I figured he's an HR there, all the more reason why I must get in. After a while of interviewing a couple of applicants, he had to leave the reception area (
where I was staying) to go to another floor for I don't know what. Completely not thinking about him, I went into the front desk and asked for the directions to the CR. They have this weird building architecture so that they're nearest CR is situated in the 3rd floor. Lucky for me, after getting lost for five minutes, I found the place near the end of some steep hallway. On my way back, I ran across the guy in the same elevator. So, to make the long, tiring and worthless story short: we had a 5-second moment alone.
And not like we talked or anything, that was just it.

***
I had a meeting with the SDDS members this morning. It wasn't at all like the usual light and bubbly atmosphere I've always experienced with them. Well, that's what happens if some people think so inferior about themselves whenever someone else steps up (
and not like it's our fault for being chosen). Ugh, try thinking more maturely, will you? Talk about insecurity.

I just watched the last episode of The OC Season 3. And can I just say that it reeked?
Spoiler alert: Someone died.