Wednesday, May 31, 2006

Non-Sensationalism

I'm dreadfully bored, due to a non-academic and eventless day. I've been lying in bed for almost 12 hours to kill time. I've watched 2 mind-numbing movies, the whole series of America's Next Top Model Cycle 5, and have only paused for peanut breaks (that's me, munching on my grandfather's stocked peanuts).
Imagine how much worse my life could possibly get if I do not get enrolled this sem. There's only a 5% chance that I'd still be seeing my blockmates this June. Otherwise, I'd have to prepare my farewell to debate, to the journal and to the only sensible space in my life.
Yes, I gotta love the drama right now. I am listening to Utada Hikaru's Final Distance by the way, and to Weiss Kruz' anime soundtrack.

***
I was thinking of making another blog -- either another one here in Blogger for my poems and prose, or in LJ to formally move my posts there. But. I've gradually learned to love my template and moderation here. Maybe I'll just content myself without any friends (online) to share my idiosyncratic remarks.

Yesterday, I had a conversation through text with one of my closest friends in UST. She just broke up with her boyfriend and has plans of studying in her province instead. See where love can mislead you sometimes. But I talked her into giving the idea more thought, since, after all, her problem is not really much of a pain considering what I'm going through right now.
And I must be horifically anesthetized about everything since I still find reasons to smile once in a while and think about the good stuff that I still have with me. Hrmm, like a few scratches of my debate notes from AUDC and my undelivered poems for CSJ's next ish.
You just have to believe sometimes, that God never puts you into a position He knows you wouldn't be able to handle or, for the lack of a better term, come out alive from.

Atleast, I'm here and I've got the air in my lungs (got that from Titanic).
But soon enough, I know that if I do not get this chance, I would soon become a social deviant and would have to live in a drab and desolate life afterwards. Just because I'm no longer the same kind of person I came in the institution before.
And well, that would mostly be the sucky part of everything else.

This is me thinking why I've always thought I was a pessimist.
Now that stupid hope is 80% of what makes me continue to move on.

Tuesday, May 30, 2006

Obscure Life

I believe God has a different approach to playing pranks or throwing jokes on people.
I just proved that today.

I went to school to check on my scholarship application and soon found out (after an hour of waiting for them to return from their lunchbreak) that I wasn't eligible for the benefits. Just because. Yes, I am an irregular student, and never mind the neon-colored no deficiencies-slash-back-subjects attached to my introduction.
I was thinking aloud in my head about how tedious it was for me to stand in front of the mirror the whole morning just trying on different non-goth clothes to make me look the least bit normal and scholarly (or that I'm in need of awesome financial support). Really.

The two peppy girls in the front desk started babbling about how I still have to enroll myself and with my own money (they're not getting the penniless issue, see) so I can hand them a copy of my registration form and how I'm supposed to pass a series of interviews (like I've never gone through this; i.e. see yesterday's post) before being handed over the support.
I wanted to scream at them. Something like: Don't you friggin' get the issue here?!? Or do you need me to spell it out for you?
But hey, I didn't want to get an automatic leave without filing for a proper LOA.

So, just a couple of minutes ago, I checked my second email account and received a message from the job search engine I'm registered in. They're inviting me for an interview in Ortigas (and yes, transportation expenses again) on Friday regarding the CSR job.
Well, hopefully it's part-time.

***
Was having a marathon of The OC Season 3, and guess what? The last CD's not working!
My life just stinks.

Monday, May 29, 2006

Tongue-tied

I just saw the tabs from AUDC '06.
I'm happy our team did so well considering it's our first international competition. Kudos Pecto and Marionette. *gives a toothpaste commercial smile* (No, not the flirty one. Just the wide "oh, you see my teeth" beam.)

Pecto won the bet, sadly. We had this 10pesos/round potluck for our deal, uh, so the total amount was a 210. (We had 7 break rounds, you do the math.) I ranked 2nd in the team, 28th in the overall speaker ranking, and 7th in the 15 UST contingents. My highest was a picky 76 from the IIU Mat B (Indonesia) and IMU A (Malaysia) rounds.

***
Just got through almost 10 call center visits/application a few hours ago. Three of those, I ended up walking in the offices of different banks. I won't trust infamous net search engines again.

There's still a good chance that I'd get enrolled this sem. Thank God for the hefty number of guardian demons surrounding me. (You know who you all are. Thanks... really.) Hopefully, my dad won't turn ballistic once he finds out, lest I get another worthless nagging.

I wasn't able to pass by school today, though. Had to prioritize work first. Oh, and I almost forgot to post in this awkward moment I had in a group interview awhile ago. One guy from the group was asked to do a spontaneous reply upon the problem of an illiterate child who doesn't know how to tie his shoelaces. Here's how it went:

Guy: Uh... what does illiterate mean?
Interviewer: (forehead starts to wrinkle a bit) Ermm, the child doesn't know how to write and read, and he doesn't know what's left and right.
Guy: (uncomfortably clears his throat) Dude, (yes, he wanted to establish a connection) hold the ends of the two laces (imaginary illiterate kid --> what???) and... (pauses for almost a decade).
While at pause... Mavy shifts awkwardy in her seat. The others? staring at the ceiling, chewing their fingernails, singing in their heads...
Interviewer: Okay, forget it.

The latter part of the interview was, ermm, interesting. The interviewer asked me to compare myself to an animal, and guess what I picked: a monkey. And I had this geopol explanation regarding that rather impulsive answer. Don't even ask.

Hopefully someone calls back. Of course, this is a wishful thinking since every company I applied for grumbled with nothing but a fulltime job offer. Well, if only it's that easy.

So much for not wanting to leave debate.

Sunday, May 28, 2006

Slytherin

Sinking, and in search for sunshine

Dead hair sleeping on shoulders
Slow
Lament...
Your existence is bigoted
A thought resting only in my mind

I look forward to facing the window
Where sunshine laments
Windows...
A thought
But hush, and call sleep

I sink as if
I'm you

.mavy 052806

***
Irrational. I finally found the perfect word to intensify my situation these past few days.
Not my mind though, just the crappy instances I'm placed at, or maybe somewhere beneath.

I'm off to scout for jobs again tomorrow, and of course, to fix some school stuff. If I don't find a stable solution by Thursday, I might as well file for an LOA.
Kat and I have the same problems right now. But I told her last night, with regard to concerns, I'm more anxious about my pending responsibilities if I do not get enrolled.

I have CSJ (with just 2 months of taking pleasure in being English Literary Section Editor), Science Debate (one that hones me into a better layout artist and graphic designer, schmuck) and TDC (I can't swallow the inevitable conclusion of not getting into Nationals).


These three organizations drive me to do better and to cross the eye of every needle each terrible waking day. They're also some of the hardline stances that breach me to catharsis and make me hope that I'll soon get past these poisonous ordeals.

I've matured from angst, from rebellion and from impatience.
Yet there's one thing that I can't seem to get out of my system:
Passion.

If you read through my previous posts, it only emboldens one thing: my love for writing and debate. If you release me from the insomnia, then I wouldn't know where else to put my self.
It supercedes my academics, but not to say that it replaces them. But if you rip me apart, there are nothing but words and imagery in my blood, and these are the only things that keep me from jumping out of high railings.

... I just wish it's not this difficult.
But I'm thankful I'm still breathing.

Friday, May 26, 2006

Humor Me

I figured life's not really a bitch. It just fancies bastardizing people.
For inept reasons, needless of stressing, my dad decided not to enroll me this coming semester.
Weirder though, I didn't feel a hint of despair and depression.
I felt... uneven.
Unmoved.

***
So. AUDC '06 was promising.
Again, we almost broke. If only we won the last round.
But anyway, it was a breathtaking experience. I got to meet a lot of people from different countries (Japan, Thailand, Indonesia and Malaysia).
Wow. Also, I gained new summer flings from two of those countries. *grins*

Seemingly though, the crash course proved effective. We were able to win four rounds out of seven (five of those, I was second speaker). Although I had a bit of a problem during my first try; imagine going against UP Diliman's Team A for my amateur breakthrough. Nicolo and Claudia thrashed my arguments like they were some dirty laundry.

Pecto had his own crash course as well -- for conversation skills. Turns out, he has a dull tongue when it comes to speaking to people he does not know. So much so that he laughed off one of his conversations with the Japanese delegates. (Which kinda reminds me of the porn debate. We, as Filipinos, proved ourselves to be more knowledgeable in that entertainment genre.)
At the end of the day, Winston Churchill was proven to be a white guy, contrary to what Pecto carelessly professed.

I had one of the best teams in my whole debate experience yet. Hail to the Bratatat team composed of the most antipatiko/a in the UST.
Slaughter mode.

UST A, the only breaking team from our institution made it till Octofinals. Ate Cy won 6th overall best speaker, and Kuya James adjudicated till the final round.
The rest... Well, we're still waiting for the tabs. *winks*

Wednesday, May 17, 2006

Fortune Cookie

Hrmm... So again I am but a neglectful soul.
But a lot of good news.
Just a rundown before I start going on to details here.

First, I got the job in West and shall be starting soon -- come the next batch of trainees.
Second, IV's were great. I ranked 2nd best in all UST contingents. My highest was a 77 from a Singaporean adj.
Third, I am debating for the Asian Universities Debating Championship for UST Team C with Pecto and Marionette as my teammates. I am going to do second.

***
I soon learned about the pending job offer after bombarding West with calls regarding my application status. Soon enough, the barrage paved way and they gave me a call saying I passed the final interview (and to wait for further notice with regard to my job offer).

Stunning.

***
UST Intervarsities, which lasted from last Monday, the 15th, till Tuesday, the 16th, was one hell of a tournament.
Fun. Not to mention, I got smacked with three La Salle teams, and our team almost broke. 9th in the list. Just harsh.

The first round, we were up against DLSU D (with their cute DLO); the motion was about beauty pageants and cosmetic surgery. The usual sickness of being mesmerized, grounded my heart not to air out points of information.

The second round, we lost to DLSU A, by a thin, thin margin and by an unconvincing adjudication. Claire got most upset for having her brilliant argument ignored by the adjudicator. He didn't even say anything about our flaws. DLSU A even preconceded that we won that round.
But hey, no spite.

Last round, wow. DLSU C made me do a breakthrough manner during debate. Really dynamic. Also, we got kicked out of the rooms too soon due to internal problems with the staff. And, well, it was indeed a sad night since we had problems with the Break Night and the room reservations.

PUTA (Philippine Universities Team A) with Bobby, Franco and Carl as contingents, won the finals against ADMU A.

***
Yes. AUDC.
Nothing more to say.
I'm grateful.
And shall be indulging in a crash course for 2nd speaker position soon.

Sunday, May 07, 2006

A Blast of Neurons

A sudden rush of anxiety. Hmm... I missed training today. My body's not being so cooperative with my schedule demands recently. I called West yesterday to check if I got the job offer. Unfortunately, and after wasting 10 pesos of my money, Kat told me HR's were off work during weekends.
Pfft.

I feel the giddiness to make up for the many weeks I haven't been posting in my blog. Four is a pitiful number, if you ask me. Especially when you take it as a month-long attainment.
Pia sent me a text message last night, telling me such wonderful news. Ate Nizza has sent me a package of three awesome DVDs and another Oguri series! Woohoo.
Just one more: Summer Snow. Better brush up on my contacts.

***
If tardy fate permit that I get a job by next week, I'll surely have problems fitting my training schedule with that of my tournament weeks. For the third week of May, I'll be participating in the UST Intervarisities with Joan and Claire as my teammates. As for the week after that, I'd be adjudicating for Asians. Hrmm.. Or that is if I'm already able to pay my registration fee, which glares at me with a 4-digit amount of Philippine peso.
Mercy.

Yesterday, I also realized how I'm quickly getting old. Not only am I bound to train science and not debate for them anymore, I also get to work with seniors in the debate community. For the past two weeks, we were being trained by no less than Atty. Arlene Maneja, Bar Topnotcher and last Filipino champion of the World Debating Championship.
I roll down the floor - along with lighted incense - for her remarkable brilliance. In Filipino slang "As in!!!". She's so intelligent that when she starts talking you'll start to wonder if you are indeed gifted of a brain, or you're just pretending to be human.
A blast of neurons, as Kat would describe it.
Any debater can't help but glorify her.

***
So hrmm... Since I'm at home (my dad's place), I think I better start working on my book review and English prose.
Work calls.

Saturday, May 06, 2006

Artisan Dream

It's highly unusual how every writer's dream connotates to wanting our craft never to rot in our overridden frustrations. For the past weeks -- or a month as I may roughly put it -- I haven't been posting regularly to update my blog on things that have been spontaneously happening in my life.

I asked myself the same question I illusioned almost a half a year back.
"Why do I want to have a journal?"

I bet writers' influences are very much relative and poignant to a certain point that it gets frustrating how you can never perfectly leave people to understand what you really mean (no matter how good you are in imagery). Words are but mere creatures to suffice for what lacks in reality. Maybe one thing God never really planned to bear us with.

While I was editing the works of my literary staffers, I was disturbed. Not with the output, but with how I've started to leave my other passion in hope of besting the other one.
Debate has grown to be a passion, a desire, a mainstream in my bloodflow circling my veins.

I was left to derive every inch of what's left in my personality to draw my new self. Almost a year ago, I was thoroughly neglectful of my potentials. I was more eager to spare myself for others than to develop what I already have as an artisan.

For this year's first issue of Mometum, I've surpassed different ordeals.

Tara sa kawalan ng ating katotohanan
Ngunit sa lahat ng kasinungalingan
Tayo'y iisa.


My works were dry, steady, and yet striving for a new color and flavor to their entity.

Nothing. This past month was bloody. Murderous like hell. But for some inept reason, I am silenced. Stolen by the air to redo all that is wrong.