Spaces

I shape my lungs to need you.

This is what I will do for you, when you are unfamiliar and sharp, all elbows and broken record words in my arms. I will roll over and let you slide under the sheets beside me, mold my body to yours, memorize its contours, its shape. I am afraid to touch you. I am more afraid not to.
One question alone. Do you love me? They all filter here.

I put my hand on the beating point in your chest and asked you what was left. You said, "It's just muscle and blood." You touched me and I said, "You."

I never ask you why, you know. I don't look for explanations, excuses, anything more than one word. For this I dive, open my eyes to midnight water and the dark shapes of untruths, delving in the mud for a word your lips won't hold. Sometimes I cup my fingers over my heart. I would give it to you if you asked.

You never ask.

[Fissure by Amalin]
For plagiarism purposes, click this link to view Amalin's personal webpage. Every word is hers, from the start of this post to her name or the link, precisely.

***
The thing about me is my uncaring prerogative. The thing about him is that he’s too beautiful to behold.

My eyes feel tacky, if that’d be an appropriate word to describe its current state. They want to scream for their own life, because apparently, I’m not letting them get any rest. I’m burdened by my craving to be busy each minute, even if it means giving up my breaks for trainings. Maybe Pablo Neruda’s right about forgetting.
It takes too long.

***
Welcome to the Debate World, as Niño would say.

The TOMCAT talkshow for the Crossfire contingents was one hell of an extravaganza! I got to meet lots of people from different colleges, particularly those who’d be competing for Nursing. There’s Paolo Enrile, former UST Pay High debater (went to Regionals, winner of Crossfire two years back and excellently trained by Atty. Arlene Maneja); Phyleep, 2nd year Nursing (Ateneo Debate in his HS years, former TDC), and Tina, or was it Teena, who also competed for Dialectics and Crossfire the previous years.

The others, I don’t remember their names. My bad.
We will be debating with AB first; a change of plans, the former being Nursing.
Uh, and'll be crosstraining with Nursing on Saturday morning, and Commerce (again) in the afternoon of the same day.
Full force, huh?

Memorable “effects” during the talkshow:
1. Bad hosts with thick rims of cue cards.
2. Dead air. Pecto talks. Dead air. Niño talks. Dead air. Mavy talks. Now where the hell’s the Engineering team?
3. Pecto’s desire to be famous, and his bickering for me to do the same.
4. Niño’s butting in with "I have something to say..." while the host says, “Moving on…”
5. Phyleep’s bisexuality. He kisses your hand and starts prattling about how he loves you. Flirtatious, huh?
6. The “so gay” set design.
7. The schizo segment producer named Ivy, who, by the way, needs a lot of life organizing to do.
8. The smelly Zesto juice.
9. Knowing various debate traits: bitched-out, drug-high, for-the-grade, I-want-to-be-seen-on-TV, never-debater and Mavy’s very own “I’m bored, let’s go home and sleep?”

Hehe. What the devil?!

***
My sleeping disorder is getting worse by the minute.
I’ve been arriving home each night, past 10 p.m., and at the same time, scrambling to turn on the PC. I turn on the messenger and start my off-peak routine.
I don’t sleep. And even if I try to, I’m not successful enough. Sleep dawns on me in between 4-5 a.m. Or if I’m really lucky, I’m able to doze off at 3 a.m. – The very reason why I wasn’t able to attend my Chem300Lab Class today.
I’m at a loss, for heaven’s sake.

Please, let this not be a new crisis.